crocobaby:

Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?

(Source: star-loser, via sweaters-n-shit)

bitchesaloud:
  • men: women who wear makeup are just lying to us
  • men: it's 8 inches

chrispine-trees:

do people wear glasses during sex or is it just like you’re blind and everthing’s a surprise

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

(Source: geesehater, via nicoosuxx)

dutchster:

why do shampoo bottles weigh hardly anything but when you drop them in the shower they turn into a meteor

(via nicoosuxx)

kansass:

Eyebrows so strong they bench press 350

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

saddestblogger:

frail-fright:

saddestblogger:

frail-fright:

how do u be an adult

ya gotta own a briefcase and then fuck it

what

the briefcase

ya gotta fuck the briefcase

(via nicoosuxx)

adambloghart:

artaeologist:

there are five frogs staring at me right now

but only one can be america’s next top model

(Source: reconcicle, via fuckyeahtxtposts)

bombing:

mom? yeah hey its me. i just called to—what? yeah i’m doing fine thanks. listen i was playing call of duty and this kid said some really shocking things about you and i just had to confirm that they weren’t true

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

hey so i know this is tumblr and we all have a lot of different opinions but

fuck wasps

(Source: chenyakumo-remade, via chocolatecoveredlesbianpetunias)

have u ever accidently opened photobooth and had your natural expression staring back at you

it’s horrible

(via chocolatecoveredlesbianpetunias)

all i do is sit around and eat and be sad im basically a more annoying version of a plant

(Source: sadillite, via chocolatecoveredlesbianpetunias)

how to give a good handjob

  • bop it
  • pull it
  • twist it

(Source: daenerystargayren, via chocolatecoveredlesbianpetunias)